You with the perfect gesture that everyone think a lady should have.
I wonder why is it your heart is just as ugly as a mean coyote.
You with the soft figure, I just can't imagine why isn't there any softness in you heart.
You, the one I still insist to respect, i just don't understand why is there stil hate
..
You're the one with more wisdom here, this is the first time ever I see nose & chin tilted the highest
Have you really been wise or arrogant all this while?
Cause all this while I have only known great people bow down even more when they are the wisest...
You with your big mouth, so good with words that pierce through anything.
Just thought that the baptism would bring out a whole new you, but maybe it wasn't strong enough..
And I thought that the marriage or a fiance too would dilute your poisonous mouth a little bit,
But nah..i think it's the same..or did you fake it when you're in front of them?
We all go to the same church, but i wonder why your heart is so darkest blue?
Am i really that bad? that worst?
Cause even when i stay stil their anger shoots flames of fire
What else to compare when there's something catastrophic
Maybe I am a devil cause they hate me that much
But isn't every human bound to make mistake?
Well then I guess I'm the perfect sinner
You know i like sport but suddenly u said it's not your thing anymore?
While I'm stil eager for it, straightaway u say u'r a retiree?
So what you're trying to say is that you're so mature your habit change so fast
Yeah, that's your very2 good mindset that you should keep up
I guess that's why people always see you're way older than your age..(hahaha)
I wonder how can anyone can ever be happy being like that, living that, thinking like that.
I hope one day things will turn out differently to you.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Wonder what if I chose the paths not taken.
I'm not sure whether i'm such a big complainer or is it the choices i have has always been the way it is. Well to start this off.....
1. When i was in my matriculation years i was given the Biology course but in the end i faught to change to get into Physical course. Dad was so furious with that decision and i was so up front to prove him that i can do well in it that later in future it will provide something fruitfull.
2. At the end of the matriculation course when ever student was busy with filling up forms to enter university, I was so keen on choosing chemical engineering for degree. That's because I find chemistry is very fun and I kinda did well in it for SPM. Then a lady chemistry lecturer gave her opinion that engineering is not suitable for girls coz later in career wise it's going to be very rough profession. Well, having working for almost 3 years now I dont think what she said is 100% true though unless if the girl is in civil engineering especially. Again, i was makng decision against an elder's advice.
3. During my 1st year in uni, i was told by Dad that during middle on my matric year i was actually offered to try 2 trial years for foundation in KL for JPA oversea course for education in Physics. How ironic it was as i was so stubborn to change my Biological course to Physical course during matric. He said he didnt want to show it to me cuz i was already in Labuan for matric and the other offer was only for trial. But i dont blame him though..well not as I first found out about it. He's just being overprotective & being a typical old man in village, he's just too dearly to be mad at. Sometimes, I was mad at ...er..God? but however it is, maybe He has a reason for me.
4. After graduation, I has been offered procees engineer post in my practical training place but the company is located in Peninsular. I was determine to go back to hometown. Being faraway for too long sometimes can make the soul weary & distraught and that's how it gets lost..I think. Dad asked if i was interested to try teaching. But usually teaching after graduating wit diff degree can only provide you choices teaching subjects of not your choices..hmm...u know la..Then got a call for interview for process engnr in BJ services in Miri but i was still stuck in Kuantan and the ticket was already bought for a later date.
5. And so i got a job in Bintulu but not as fun as i imagined it would be. Working life started off getting into sales and PR....hmm...$$$$...well not fun for me..except for the friends found there and the experiences and environment..hehe..happening pening2 babe...hahah..at this point, it made me think whether my first ever choice in the beginning was actually the wrong choice? Life is not as fun as we normally plan isn't it..
6. Now..hmm...Sales Engineer..hadui...PR stuff is obviously not my thing..but try anyway. Still I haven't feel content, not yet to the point where i can say "yeah..i really enjoy my work!"...anyway, i'm always told maybe it's not my time yet..
Sometimes i get to be told that all this while i"ve been making the wrong choices..but i thought all this while i've been choosing what i like and things will be alright. At this point, should i should forget about it then carry on with choices that would make things easier? If I do choose to turn back, will be too late? Even so, if I stay, will luck comes by one day with the choices i like?..
1. When i was in my matriculation years i was given the Biology course but in the end i faught to change to get into Physical course. Dad was so furious with that decision and i was so up front to prove him that i can do well in it that later in future it will provide something fruitfull.
2. At the end of the matriculation course when ever student was busy with filling up forms to enter university, I was so keen on choosing chemical engineering for degree. That's because I find chemistry is very fun and I kinda did well in it for SPM. Then a lady chemistry lecturer gave her opinion that engineering is not suitable for girls coz later in career wise it's going to be very rough profession. Well, having working for almost 3 years now I dont think what she said is 100% true though unless if the girl is in civil engineering especially. Again, i was makng decision against an elder's advice.
3. During my 1st year in uni, i was told by Dad that during middle on my matric year i was actually offered to try 2 trial years for foundation in KL for JPA oversea course for education in Physics. How ironic it was as i was so stubborn to change my Biological course to Physical course during matric. He said he didnt want to show it to me cuz i was already in Labuan for matric and the other offer was only for trial. But i dont blame him though..well not as I first found out about it. He's just being overprotective & being a typical old man in village, he's just too dearly to be mad at. Sometimes, I was mad at ...er..God? but however it is, maybe He has a reason for me.
4. After graduation, I has been offered procees engineer post in my practical training place but the company is located in Peninsular. I was determine to go back to hometown. Being faraway for too long sometimes can make the soul weary & distraught and that's how it gets lost..I think. Dad asked if i was interested to try teaching. But usually teaching after graduating wit diff degree can only provide you choices teaching subjects of not your choices..hmm...u know la..Then got a call for interview for process engnr in BJ services in Miri but i was still stuck in Kuantan and the ticket was already bought for a later date.
5. And so i got a job in Bintulu but not as fun as i imagined it would be. Working life started off getting into sales and PR....hmm...$$$$...well not fun for me..except for the friends found there and the experiences and environment..hehe..happening pening2 babe...hahah..at this point, it made me think whether my first ever choice in the beginning was actually the wrong choice? Life is not as fun as we normally plan isn't it..
6. Now..hmm...Sales Engineer..hadui...PR stuff is obviously not my thing..but try anyway. Still I haven't feel content, not yet to the point where i can say "yeah..i really enjoy my work!"...anyway, i'm always told maybe it's not my time yet..
Sometimes i get to be told that all this while i"ve been making the wrong choices..but i thought all this while i've been choosing what i like and things will be alright. At this point, should i should forget about it then carry on with choices that would make things easier? If I do choose to turn back, will be too late? Even so, if I stay, will luck comes by one day with the choices i like?..
Friday, March 25, 2011
some wishful thinking...........
It's been a while i havent write here. And it's been almost 3 months working in Miri..
My comment so far..careerwise, well i think finally i'm going somewhere. Personal life wise..deep down inside i still feel empty. I just dont know how to explain despite the busy & more happening surrounding here. Just gotta keep telling myself, i bare to be here for the work & experience then when it comes hols time, just "flee" elsewhere but not here.
How i wish that Maroon 5 band hometown is in Miri so that during weekend right after a tiring working week, i can just go & relax to any bar & watch them perform. Their songs sounds just nice to hear for happy hour after work.
Or..i wish, either my salary increases or the air flight ticket is way very cheap so i can easily go balik kampung during the weekend.
Or i wish i can just go travel to Europe with a guy whom i can like..err..or i like..to see all the beautiful places.
Or i wish my current erobic instructor can use a bit of fun current music n more fun steps to teach and the class fee is reduced please..hehe..
Or i never thought i would say this...i miss having being accompanied by a guy dat i feel ok with...hmm..uh? but realistically, have to sacrifice personal stuff for the career..sad..sad...
My comment so far..careerwise, well i think finally i'm going somewhere. Personal life wise..deep down inside i still feel empty. I just dont know how to explain despite the busy & more happening surrounding here. Just gotta keep telling myself, i bare to be here for the work & experience then when it comes hols time, just "flee" elsewhere but not here.
How i wish that Maroon 5 band hometown is in Miri so that during weekend right after a tiring working week, i can just go & relax to any bar & watch them perform. Their songs sounds just nice to hear for happy hour after work.
Or..i wish, either my salary increases or the air flight ticket is way very cheap so i can easily go balik kampung during the weekend.
Or i wish i can just go travel to Europe with a guy whom i can like..err..or i like..to see all the beautiful places.
Or i wish my current erobic instructor can use a bit of fun current music n more fun steps to teach and the class fee is reduced please..hehe..
Or i never thought i would say this...i miss having being accompanied by a guy dat i feel ok with...hmm..uh? but realistically, have to sacrifice personal stuff for the career..sad..sad...
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Let's talk about my personal life...
Geez...seriously??? would i write about my personal stuff here??....no way man!..haha...hey, today is just another boring day here alone in this empty office..literally..no curtain, less papers, etc...
But yeah, I don't really know how to express my feelings publicy in any well written form. Just admire those who really know how...sometimes telling personal stuff over public social network like facebook..friendster??...twitter..even blogs. Sometimes i wish i could write off something but just can't find the right words. I just feel it...be it happy or sad. And yes..it is well written on my face most of the times..but my face is normally emotionless or fierce even in normal mode anyway..hahah!..don't care...
Gosh...i can't stand it staying here. I like to work out, going somewhere so much unless if i am too tired. Badminton? am looking desperately for a group of playmates who likes to play most days of the week (and getting free court of course!)...Aerobic?..if it's given free admission, yeah i would be a regular!...but this...in this small town??...everything seems sloooowwww...and cars exercise more than people do...and everyone is immobile...too pressure to do anything..man..i'm too pressure doing nothing here!...just hope for a miracle that i can go back home earlier, getting something better back at hometown..something more interesting, something more enjoyable to do.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Taking Brunei
Today is the 2nd day here in Brunei. The first was so tiring to set up d ofis, I couldn't even manage to write anything,even too tired to think!...
The weather is very hot during the day. Then at 4pm, the piercing sky starting to darken, preparing the heavy rain to take place. Tutong is a very small town with less cars trafficking the road..For the next weekend, i'm gonna be all alone. It's very boring here.
For the next 2 weeks, i'm gonna miss my cozy bed back at home..my comfy pillows...my little viva..but most of all, i'm gonna miss earobic! badminton!..and sometimes jogging back at Bintulu. Geez..scared dis 2 weeks will build me some around my belly. Then after that, balik kampong! The best cure for my homesick!..
Really miss muh honey too...haiyah...can receive his sms from here but cannot reply back. kacih mai meda laki ku ia...sedih hatiku msa baca sms nya. Kdk little puppy tercari cari tuannya jak....tanya2 line ctok bagus ka sik..sob..sob..sob..If can reply through roaming phone line pun expensive..dah la he's tired at nite after a long hard day at work, can barely get online.
And i miss my hometown too. Hopefully after coming back from here, there's some change i can make. Some better changes hopefully. I hope...and hoping..and hoping again..Dear Lord, please make the way for me, be it blessed and protected, make everything possible to achieve for the better and take really good care of those i dearly love..Amen.
The weather is very hot during the day. Then at 4pm, the piercing sky starting to darken, preparing the heavy rain to take place. Tutong is a very small town with less cars trafficking the road..For the next weekend, i'm gonna be all alone. It's very boring here.
For the next 2 weeks, i'm gonna miss my cozy bed back at home..my comfy pillows...my little viva..but most of all, i'm gonna miss earobic! badminton!..and sometimes jogging back at Bintulu. Geez..scared dis 2 weeks will build me some around my belly. Then after that, balik kampong! The best cure for my homesick!..
Really miss muh honey too...haiyah...can receive his sms from here but cannot reply back. kacih mai meda laki ku ia...sedih hatiku msa baca sms nya. Kdk little puppy tercari cari tuannya jak....tanya2 line ctok bagus ka sik..sob..sob..sob..If can reply through roaming phone line pun expensive..dah la he's tired at nite after a long hard day at work, can barely get online.
And i miss my hometown too. Hopefully after coming back from here, there's some change i can make. Some better changes hopefully. I hope...and hoping..and hoping again..Dear Lord, please make the way for me, be it blessed and protected, make everything possible to achieve for the better and take really good care of those i dearly love..Amen.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Just any jiwang song from Ne-Yo..i think it's nice to listen to..it soothes the soul & yet touches almost every bit of what is felt but cannot be spoken nor described...
It Never Rains Lyrics at elw
It Never Rains Lyrics
I was ashamed to show my sorrow
I didn't want anyone to see
My boyfriend she decided to burrow
And it felt like someone stabbin' me.
I was invisible till I got hurt
Every day was just another song
And the day that you don't want them to
That’s the day when everyone asks you what’s wrong
It never rains
It never rains
It never rains
When you want it to
Can't hide my pain
Cause it won't rain
So heres my tears
Heres my tears out in plain view
Everybody cares when you don't give a damn
Mmm, nobody gives a damn when you care
Can't be alone when you want to
And when you need someone nobodies there
This is the story of my young life
I got no choice but to let you know
Cause even if I stood here and said nothing
The tears running down my face would tell you so
It never rains
It never rains
It never rains
When you want it to
Can't hide my pain
Cause it won't rain
So heres my tears
Heres my tears out in plain view
And I think you love me
Ooh I think that I'm you
Oh I think you know what I'm going through
It never rains
It never rains
It never rains
When you want it to
Can't hide my pain
Cause it won't rain
So heres my tears
Heres my tears out in plain view
It never rains
It never rains
It never rains
When you want it to
Can't hide my pain
Cause it won't rain
So heres my tears
Heres my tears out in plain view
Tears out in plain view, ooh
Heres my tears out in plain view
It Never Rains Lyrics at elw
It Never Rains Lyrics
I was ashamed to show my sorrow
I didn't want anyone to see
My boyfriend she decided to burrow
And it felt like someone stabbin' me.
I was invisible till I got hurt
Every day was just another song
And the day that you don't want them to
That’s the day when everyone asks you what’s wrong
It never rains
It never rains
It never rains
When you want it to
Can't hide my pain
Cause it won't rain
So heres my tears
Heres my tears out in plain view
Everybody cares when you don't give a damn
Mmm, nobody gives a damn when you care
Can't be alone when you want to
And when you need someone nobodies there
This is the story of my young life
I got no choice but to let you know
Cause even if I stood here and said nothing
The tears running down my face would tell you so
It never rains
It never rains
It never rains
When you want it to
Can't hide my pain
Cause it won't rain
So heres my tears
Heres my tears out in plain view
And I think you love me
Ooh I think that I'm you
Oh I think you know what I'm going through
It never rains
It never rains
It never rains
When you want it to
Can't hide my pain
Cause it won't rain
So heres my tears
Heres my tears out in plain view
It never rains
It never rains
It never rains
When you want it to
Can't hide my pain
Cause it won't rain
So heres my tears
Heres my tears out in plain view
Tears out in plain view, ooh
Heres my tears out in plain view
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
i'm damn bored now so i write this stuff
Hehehe..dis is girls' favourite topic..i know..i know..but it depends on negative or positive perspective. Past few months ago, this topic was (or stil is?) prevalently discussed publicy either in FB status or blogs, ,mostly related to happy thoughts about it. 1st question: Why we want to get married : Love? Desperation? Security? hw if u 1 2 marry a guy but u hv feelings for some other guy? or is it just the calling has come?..well, u can keep d answers to yourself. As for me honestly, yes i was excited about it during initial years of my relationship years with a guy. Somehow, at dis point of time, at dis moment after so many moments gone through, it's quite weird how i can say that i'm kinda a biiit scared of it? The cheatings stuff, the estranged ones..& the consequences..urgghh...to bear the distorted emotions is undescribable. Some can go to the extend of suicide. Dat is why, i think i'l just linger until the timing comes by itself. Dear good Lord, i abide by the rules,i nvr break anyone's heart (instead it's mine dat does frequently), i respect others' marriage so when it comes to my time, let my own be unbreakable & peacefully blissful. Amen. After quite a few things i'v gone through so far, here's my random opinion:
1. I won't judge how ready a person is for marriage especially for girls cuz personally i think that marriage is another starting point for 2 persons' personality to start grow inside through a lot of first times like 1st time cooking meals, doing chores together, sharing room, 1st quarrel, 1st misunderstanding..yada2..& list goes on..it's when we humbly admit to the mistakes then make effort to fix it that we trully grow maturely. If ppl scold me to teach responsibility for good reason, i'm thankful. If ppl bragging about how good they are at handling responsibilities, wah..i'm speechless..hahaha..Dat's why sometimes i think, God let certain things happen for a reason. Maybe He gv some1 a marriage cuz He wants those persons 2 b maturely responsible. Maybe He granted some couples a child so dat they cn learn more bout themselves from the child. Maybe He keeps some ppl single cuz He wants 'em to accomplish things they nvr had before settling down or avoid 'em frm making bad choices.
2. I will never again trust a guy whose talk is sooo convincing, no matter how devastated he claims his past relationship was,blaming his past gf..or how he can logically justifies his opinion on despising things dat guys usually do wrong and gosssh..dat sweet talks...(bueekkss..i shud hv known it coming) but when small obstacles comes in the way, he'l b d 1st person to back down..by d end of the day, it's just a sweet talk baybeh..just words written on text messages..u can see it, u can hear it
but u can't really feel it if nothing is ever done. In fact, he can do just d same with just every1. Actions speak louder than words. I believe a true good man will always come around to fix no matter how rough the day is. There should be effort in it too.
3. A good relationship is like a good wine : it takes great effort to brew it elegantly, determination to make it perfect, or patience to reach its perfection. In the end, u'l get a nice rich taste to enjoy...bnr sik..bnr sik?..
4. My parents always say..aba nak gago magau darik..sibier darik si ngkira dup, magau dup, mene2 ira dengen dup... I'm stil holding on to that...hehe..
And now my brain's a bit jam & i get bored edi so chow 1st til i write again...astalavista!
1. I won't judge how ready a person is for marriage especially for girls cuz personally i think that marriage is another starting point for 2 persons' personality to start grow inside through a lot of first times like 1st time cooking meals, doing chores together, sharing room, 1st quarrel, 1st misunderstanding..yada2..& list goes on..it's when we humbly admit to the mistakes then make effort to fix it that we trully grow maturely. If ppl scold me to teach responsibility for good reason, i'm thankful. If ppl bragging about how good they are at handling responsibilities, wah..i'm speechless..hahaha..Dat's why sometimes i think, God let certain things happen for a reason. Maybe He gv some1 a marriage cuz He wants those persons 2 b maturely responsible. Maybe He granted some couples a child so dat they cn learn more bout themselves from the child. Maybe He keeps some ppl single cuz He wants 'em to accomplish things they nvr had before settling down or avoid 'em frm making bad choices.
2. I will never again trust a guy whose talk is sooo convincing, no matter how devastated he claims his past relationship was,blaming his past gf..or how he can logically justifies his opinion on despising things dat guys usually do wrong and gosssh..dat sweet talks...(bueekkss..i shud hv known it coming) but when small obstacles comes in the way, he'l b d 1st person to back down..by d end of the day, it's just a sweet talk baybeh..just words written on text messages..u can see it, u can hear it
but u can't really feel it if nothing is ever done. In fact, he can do just d same with just every1. Actions speak louder than words. I believe a true good man will always come around to fix no matter how rough the day is. There should be effort in it too.3. A good relationship is like a good wine : it takes great effort to brew it elegantly, determination to make it perfect, or patience to reach its perfection. In the end, u'l get a nice rich taste to enjoy...bnr sik..bnr sik?..
4. My parents always say..aba nak gago magau darik..sibier darik si ngkira dup, magau dup, mene2 ira dengen dup... I'm stil holding on to that...hehe..
And now my brain's a bit jam & i get bored edi so chow 1st til i write again...astalavista!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
