When a girl cries.

When a girl cries, it doesn't mean she is weak. The tear drops represents what has been kept inside pouring out off her chest. That's how it feels like...relief...Then only a girl can really pick herself up, re-assemble her mind, re-construct her what-to-do-next, get back to her senses, then become whole again. So, my conclusion is a girl can be stronger after crying...again, just saying that..hehe..

MUSIC

Most times when i listen to certain song or music, it can always keep me feeling drifted or floating in high clouds as i am being enchanted or like i'm on the sweetest drug that i get addicted to.

I can listen to the song for so many times, again and over again continuously at a long period untill people at my surrounding get bored to listen i hum the same tune. I would do that until i can master every corner, every swing, every pitch of the singing. Most times i wish i can play instruments of those beautiful sounds. The catchy piano tinklings, the rugged guitar / bass (whatever it is that's in the same family) but sadly i dont have previleges learning all those instruments. I wish i could. When i'm possesed by the song, it almost feels like i'm taken to another imaginary world. (Now that i wrote that sentence i feel like my mental is insanely loose!..haha)

ChemiCaL Romancee..

It takes two to tango...without one, it definitely won't happen..i wrote that on my fb wall.
I think human is the most complicated creation God has ever made. We have feelings, emotions, brains and stuff and it's up to the individual to mould all those things into control or maybe lose control while controlling it..(what the heck am i saying..hahaha).

For love, some believe in finding /waiting for the right person. Some also believe in initiating the first move. Well, so far I only heard of those theories. Personally for me, i believe for every person, there is certain type that they can only respond to. Not everyone has the same type of interest. Depends on what type..maybe it's the character, the smell, the age, or combination of all endless list!

But sometimes, there is something in there that we can't really see or understand but yet feels so intriguing. Sometimes a person can be sooo sweet, gentle and caring towards us but yet why is our heart so reluctant to open up? Sometimes a person can be born with such perfect shape, handsome/beautiful face but yet sometimes certain people can just shrug 'em off saying...naaah..(infidelity due to lust is another different topic okayy)

Sometimes you can like a guy and coincidentally the guy kinda like u too, and he's sweet and caring too but then when he tries to get closer, all of a sudden you freak out!..haha..ever experience that? And sometimes, the guy doesnt even look that hot, not even caring but then again when u kiss, the vibe is so right like the world feels like a whole new life ..Also sometimes, such a hot, tall handsome guy coming out of nowhere suddenly falls high over heels for u, anxious to have you, but adamantly all u think of him is he's a monster psycho?..hehe..I think dat's why sometimes we see couples quarrel 24/7 like heck of a riot but yet still sticking together. Because there's some attractions that each doesn't realize tying them down with each other I guess...hehe..pandai2 jak.. Anyway, really this is something i can never really understand the formula actually. But having writing this, I manage to frame certain memories, wonders and thoughts that I hope I can nicely mould into something..and control while moulding it...again........-the end-

('',) LOST

he's so guilty of what she has become
she's wondering how or when she has changed but they both know the reasons why
now she's wondering does he really love her for love or whether it's just because he's trying so hard to save the relationship out of guilt?
he said it's sad & painful just to watch her changed, ironically she feels numb in the present cuz the past was too painful enough to bear.

Just saying..

All this while has been trying so hard to change a person just to find that eventually i'm the one who hv changed. Beauty of the past is that it makes a person's life seems more sweeter & better despite how painful the past was.

Perfect Sinner vs Perfect Lady(ies)

You with the perfect gesture that everyone think a lady should have.
I wonder why is it your heart is just as ugly as a mean coyote.
You with the soft figure, I just can't imagine why isn't there any softness in you heart.
You, the one I still insist to respect, i just don't understand why is there stil hate
..
You're the one with more wisdom here, this is the first time ever I see nose & chin tilted the highest
Have you really been wise or arrogant all this while?
Cause all this while I have only known great people bow down even more when they are the wisest...
You with your big mouth, so good with words that pierce through anything.

Just thought that the baptism would bring out a whole new you, but maybe it wasn't strong enough..
And I thought that the marriage or a fiance too would dilute your poisonous mouth a little bit,
But nah..i think it's the same..or did you fake it when you're in front of them?
We all go to the same church, but i wonder why your heart is so darkest blue?

Am i really that bad? that worst?
Cause even when i stay stil their anger shoots flames of fire
What else to compare when there's something catastrophic
Maybe I am a devil cause they hate me that much
But isn't every human bound to make mistake?
Well then I guess I'm the perfect sinner

You know i like sport but suddenly u said it's not your thing anymore?
While I'm stil eager for it, straightaway u say u'r a retiree?
So what you're trying to say is that you're so mature your habit change so fast
Yeah, that's your very2 good mindset that you should keep up
I guess that's why people always see you're way older than your age..(hahaha)

I wonder how can anyone can ever be happy being like that, living that, thinking like that.
I hope one day things will turn out differently to you.

Wonder what if I chose the paths not taken.

I'm not sure whether i'm such a big complainer or is it the choices i have has always been the way it is. Well to start this off.....

1. When i was in my matriculation years i was given the Biology course but in the end i faught to change to get into Physical course. Dad was so furious with that decision and i was so up front to prove him that i can do well in it that later in future it will provide something fruitfull.

2. At the end of the matriculation course when ever student was busy with filling up forms to enter university, I was so keen on choosing chemical engineering for degree. That's because I find chemistry is very fun and I kinda did well in it for SPM. Then a lady chemistry lecturer gave her opinion that engineering is not suitable for girls coz later in career wise it's going to be very rough profession. Well, having working for almost 3 years now I dont think what she said is 100% true though unless if the girl is in civil engineering especially. Again, i was makng decision against an elder's advice.

3. During my 1st year in uni, i was told by Dad that during middle on my matric year i was actually offered to try 2 trial years for foundation in KL for JPA oversea course for education in Physics. How ironic it was as i was so stubborn to change my Biological course to Physical course during matric. He said he didnt want to show it to me cuz i was already in Labuan for matric and the other offer was only for trial. But i dont blame him though..well not as I first found out about it. He's just being overprotective & being a typical old man in village, he's just too dearly to be mad at. Sometimes, I was mad at ...er..God? but however it is, maybe He has a reason for me.

4. After graduation, I has been offered procees engineer post in my practical training place but the company is located in Peninsular. I was determine to go back to hometown. Being faraway for too long sometimes can make the soul weary & distraught and that's how it gets lost..I think. Dad asked if i was interested to try teaching. But usually teaching after graduating wit diff degree can only provide you choices teaching subjects of not your choices..hmm...u know la..Then got a call for interview for process engnr in BJ services in Miri but i was still stuck in Kuantan and the ticket was already bought for a later date.

5. And so i got a job in Bintulu but not as fun as i imagined it would be. Working life started off getting into sales and PR....hmm...$$$$...well not fun for me..except for the friends found there and the experiences and environment..hehe..happening pening2 babe...hahah..at this point, it made me think whether my first ever choice in the beginning was actually the wrong choice? Life is not as fun as we normally plan isn't it..

6. Now..hmm...Sales Engineer..hadui...PR stuff is obviously not my thing..but try anyway. Still I haven't feel content, not yet to the point where i can say "yeah..i really enjoy my work!"...anyway, i'm always told maybe it's not my time yet..

Sometimes i get to be told that all this while i"ve been making the wrong choices..but i thought all this while i've been choosing what i like and things will be alright. At this point, should i should forget about it then carry on with choices that would make things easier? If I do choose to turn back, will be too late? Even so, if I stay, will luck comes by one day with the choices i like?..

some wishful thinking...........

It's been a while i havent write here. And it's been almost 3 months working in Miri..
My comment so far..careerwise, well i think finally i'm going somewhere. Personal life wise..deep down inside i still feel empty. I just dont know how to explain despite the busy & more happening surrounding here. Just gotta keep telling myself, i bare to be here for the work & experience then when it comes hols time, just "flee" elsewhere but not here.

How i wish that Maroon 5 band hometown is in Miri so that during weekend right after a tiring working week, i can just go & relax to any bar & watch them perform. Their songs sounds just nice to hear for happy hour after work.

Or..i wish, either my salary increases or the air flight ticket is way very cheap so i can easily go balik kampung during the weekend.

Or i wish i can just go travel to Europe with a guy whom i can like..err..or i like..to see all the beautiful places.

Or i wish my current erobic instructor can use a bit of fun current music n more fun steps to teach and the class fee is reduced please..hehe..

Or i never thought i would say this...i miss having being accompanied by a guy dat i feel ok with...hmm..uh? but realistically, have to sacrifice personal stuff for the career..sad..sad...